It’s been 7 years today since my mom passed. In that first year that my mom was gone I wrote her a letter everyday. It was my way of healing while keeping her alive within my heart. I reread the first letter I wrote her every year on the anniversary of her passing. Although the pain of losing her never goes away I have healed as much as someone can after losing a loved one. Today I will have my sad moments but I will also remember the beautiful, kind, caring, loving and courageous women that my mom was and I will smile knowing her love lives on within myself, my dad, my sister and all her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Here is the first letter I wrote to her on the day she passed.

Dear Mom,    I’m heartbroken. It’s been less than 24 hours since you’ve passed and already I miss you so deeply it physically hurts. I know that it was your time to be with God and your mom and dad and brothers, but I don’t know how I’m going to get through a day without you. You’ve always been such a big part of my life, but in the last 9 months you have become so much more to me than just my mom, you have become my best friend, my go to person, my confidant, my hero, my sunshine. 
I know that you knew we were with you while you were starting your journey into heaven. I sat beside you last night and sang, You Are My Sunshine, and a small tear grew under your left eye. I know that you continue to be here with us, I found your sign at the house; a 1/2 piece of gum on the floor in the family room, a room you haven’t been in since before going to Florida in February. And I know it was you saying hi because you told me that if I find gum around the house, it’s just you saying hi. And thank you for letting me know that the bunny outside your window at the Kaplan House was your escort to heaven. You told me these things because you wanted me to know that you are going to be ok. I wish that you had told me that I’m going to be ok, because right now nothing feels right with the world. In time I will begin to heal, which brings me comfort and sadness all at the same time. Comfort because I know that the degree of pain I’m feeling today will ease, and sadness because I never want to forget anything about you. I do however feel so lucky to have had these last 9 months with you because I realized and appreciated how blessed I am to have you as my mother. There’s still so many things I want to do with you, like we never got to go shopping at Home Goods, we never got to watch Mama Mia, we never got to go to Snook Inn. I know how much you wanted to do these things, so I will make sure to do them and I will know that you’re right there by my side. 
I’m sad that your great grandchildren will never know the loving caring grandparent that you were. I know how much love & joy Johnny brought to your life, I only wish he was old enough to remember you. I will make sure that he knows that you were the best grandmother/great grandmother a child could ever hope for, and I will teach him the song, You Are My Sunshine. As a mother you were amazing. A day never went by where I didn’t feel loved. You always put mine and Lori’s needs ahead of your own and did everything in your power to keep us from harm or pain. But if something did happen, you were the first one to be there. Your advice was always right on the mark, and I should have listened and taken it more than I did. 
The upcoming days/weeks/months are going to be so difficult without you, but I will continue to talk to you and look to you for guidance. I love you so much mom, or as we said in our iPad messages & texts, love you tons!!! Xoxo ❤️❤️❤️