When I was raising my girls back in the mid 80’s to early 2000’s I would often ask my mom for advice. I would listen, take what I thought may work, and let the rest go. I was the only mom in my house and it was my choice whether to implement the advice, or to take another route. Finding a balance in a home with 2 moms isn’t always as easy. Though I raised the other mom in the house, our ideas and practices of mothering differ. This is where the balancing act becomes tricky.

As us moms know, our kids will always be our kids no matter how old they are. And as our kids, it’s natural to want to help them, give them advice, or protect them. I’ve always said, mess with me and I can handle it, mess with one of my girls and I’ll kill you! Ok, a bit extreme but you moms get it. When my daughter moved in a year ago she was faced with being a single mom every other week. This was a big transition and she’d regularly ask for my advice on things such as bedtimes, discipline actions, what to address and what to let go. I felt good being able to help her but I also didn’t want to overstep my boundaries. As the year progressed she had a good routine in place, kids knew what was expected of them and what would end out in a time out or having their electronics taken away for a day. (In a future post you will see just how catastrophic this is for them!). This is where things became difficult for me. It’s so hard to sit back and not interfere when the kids are acting up. Yes, my perfect grandchildren have been known to talk back, yell and stomp up the stairs! When I see my grandkids being disrespectful of my daughter and the rules she’s set down it automatically sends me into lioness mode, my nails come out, and my first instinct is to protect my daughter. I have to take a step back, a deep breath and bite my tongue. (You should see the indents of my teeth in it!). This is my daughters “battle”, not mine, and I have to let her proceed with her own battle plan. This too can be difficult for me if I think she should’ve handled it differently, or think “I would’ve handled it this way” because I always handled things right with my girls…ha, not! I have to keep these opinions to myself, unless she asks for my help or advice. As much as I try to do so, there are those times when I find myself “butting in”, and I know as the words are coming out of my mouth that I shouldn’t be undermining my daughters authority with her kids. I know I’ve overstepped as I get a look or a “mom, I’m handling this”, and I immediately stop and bite my tongue. I think to myself, today’s moms handle things differently than when I was raising my girls. Then I remember my mom saying the same thing 25 years ago and thinking, you’re just older now mom and don’t remember when I was young. It occurs to me, maybe it’s that I’ve become older and maybe a bit less tolerant. There truly is a reason we have children when we’re younger.

As I stop and think about the last year I realize something. I don’t need to butt in, my daughter is a great mom. She may do things differently than I did or would, but at the end of the day the kids are loved, cared for, have boundaries and rules and are happy & healthy. Isn’t that what matters? We, as mom’s, are so tough on ourselves, always thinking, “I should’ve done this”, or “I shouldn’t have done that”. We play the shoulda, woulda, coulda game and never come out a winner. I think the best thing we can do as mom’s is trust our own instincts, follow our hearts, let our children know they are loved, and always be kind to ourselves knowing we are doing a great job.

On this Mothers Day, congratulate yourself on being a great mom! It doesn’t matter whether your children are young or grown up, once a mom, always a mom. Happy Mothers Day!!! ❤️

It’s been 7 years today since my mom passed. In that first year that my mom was gone I wrote her a letter everyday. It was my way of healing while keeping her alive within my heart. I reread the first letter I wrote her every year on the anniversary of her passing. Although the pain of losing her never goes away I have healed as much as someone can after losing a loved one. Today I will have my sad moments but I will also remember the beautiful, kind, caring, loving and courageous women that my mom was and I will smile knowing her love lives on within myself, my dad, my sister and all her grandchildren and great grandchildren. Here is the first letter I wrote to her on the day she passed.

Dear Mom,    I’m heartbroken. It’s been less than 24 hours since you’ve passed and already I miss you so deeply it physically hurts. I know that it was your time to be with God and your mom and dad and brothers, but I don’t know how I’m going to get through a day without you. You’ve always been such a big part of my life, but in the last 9 months you have become so much more to me than just my mom, you have become my best friend, my go to person, my confidant, my hero, my sunshine. 
I know that you knew we were with you while you were starting your journey into heaven. I sat beside you last night and sang, You Are My Sunshine, and a small tear grew under your left eye. I know that you continue to be here with us, I found your sign at the house; a 1/2 piece of gum on the floor in the family room, a room you haven’t been in since before going to Florida in February. And I know it was you saying hi because you told me that if I find gum around the house, it’s just you saying hi. And thank you for letting me know that the bunny outside your window at the Kaplan House was your escort to heaven. You told me these things because you wanted me to know that you are going to be ok. I wish that you had told me that I’m going to be ok, because right now nothing feels right with the world. In time I will begin to heal, which brings me comfort and sadness all at the same time. Comfort because I know that the degree of pain I’m feeling today will ease, and sadness because I never want to forget anything about you. I do however feel so lucky to have had these last 9 months with you because I realized and appreciated how blessed I am to have you as my mother. There’s still so many things I want to do with you, like we never got to go shopping at Home Goods, we never got to watch Mama Mia, we never got to go to Snook Inn. I know how much you wanted to do these things, so I will make sure to do them and I will know that you’re right there by my side. 
I’m sad that your great grandchildren will never know the loving caring grandparent that you were. I know how much love & joy Johnny brought to your life, I only wish he was old enough to remember you. I will make sure that he knows that you were the best grandmother/great grandmother a child could ever hope for, and I will teach him the song, You Are My Sunshine. As a mother you were amazing. A day never went by where I didn’t feel loved. You always put mine and Lori’s needs ahead of your own and did everything in your power to keep us from harm or pain. But if something did happen, you were the first one to be there. Your advice was always right on the mark, and I should have listened and taken it more than I did. 
The upcoming days/weeks/months are going to be so difficult without you, but I will continue to talk to you and look to you for guidance. I love you so much mom, or as we said in our iPad messages & texts, love you tons!!! Xoxo ❤️❤️❤️

When you live in a home that houses 3 generations you very rarely have any uninterrupted alone time as a couple to chat or just enjoy each other’s company. A few years ago my husband and I decided that Wednesday night would be date night. We picked Wednesday because it’s midweek, a couple days have gone by since the weekend, and by that time we are in desperate need of an inner battery recharge! Don’t get me wrong, I love having my daughter & grandkids living with us but I also feel it’s important for my husband & I to have some “us” time.

We don’t do anything fancy. Most Wednesdays we go to the local pub and grab a bite to eat. We’ve become friendly with a few of the waitresses and it’s nice to see them and catch up. We sit at pretty much at the same table every week and our waitress knows to get my husband a Bud Light and myself a glass of white wine (Yes we’re that predictable, lol). While we enjoy our drinks and eat our meal we talk about whatever’s going on, whether it be a job my husbands working on, a craft fair that’s coming up for me, maybe we have an issue that needs to be talked about, or just comfortable small talk. We’re usually only out for less than 2 hours, but it’s our 2 hours for just us, to reconnect with no interruptions.

I love our date nights but I love our family dinners as well. Yes they’re loud, yes they’re chaotic, and yes there’s usually at least one spill, but it’s the one time during the day we all sit down together, no tv or electronics, just talking. The part of family dinner I love the most is what we call “Rose & Thorn”. Each one of us tells a good point of our day(a rose) and a low point of our day(a thorn). A common rose of my grandkids is usually something about how they love being with their family, but also can include something good that happened at school, or getting to the next level in a video game. Most of the time there are 2 or 3 roses to be shared by each grandchild which makes my heart smile. A thorn can include being spoken to for not listening to mom, not being able to go outside for recess if it’s a nasty day, or not getting to the next level in that video game. Us adults also join in with our rose & thorn. I love how they spark conversation, create a sense of gratefulness, and can help in talking about & solving a thorn.

If you’re living in a multi-generation home like we are, or maybe just a full house, I hope that you too are taking time for yourselves, whether it be a dinner out, running errands or going for a walk or ride. Its not about WHAT you do, it’s about doing it together. It’s so important to stay connected as a couple. But as important as date night is for my husband and I (definitely one of our roses!), and how much we look forward to it, our crazy, chaotic family dinners are equally as important and fill me in a way that dinner alone could never do. ❤️

Do you and your spouse have a date night? If so, what are your favorite date night traditions?

Dinner has been eaten, table cleared & dishes loaded into the dishwasher (or not, depending on my mood lol). My grandkids have taken their showers and are in their jammies. My husband is watching the news in the family room, unless a more important show like Bunk’d or Liv & Maddy is being watched in which case he’ll reside to the basement and watch the news there. My daughter is making lunches for the kids for school the next day. I sit on the couch ready to settle in for the evening and BAM! it happens. Like a bolt of lightning, a surge of energy hits the house and I’m in the midst of a wrestling match or a game of The Floor is Lava or a “you can’t catch me” running race. This is a typical evening in our house.

As I sit on the couch watching the chaos erupt around me I find myself annoyed at this sudden burst of energy. Where are my quiet evenings? Sitting on the couch, my husband sitting on his couch, watching the evening news. We chat about our day, watch a show or two and then retire for the night. This is what I thought life at our age would be like. My daughter comes in and the kids yell, “mom, you can only step on the pillows, the floor is lava” and I think to myself, she’s going to tell them to calm down and find something quiet to do. Instead, she tells them that she’s wearing magic slippers that can walk on lava. They laugh and continue on their quest to make it around the room without touching the lava.

Growing up, my parents made evenings a time to do something quiet like coloring, playing a board game, or watching a show. If my sister and I were running around the house or had taken all the toss pillows from the couch and thrown them on the floor and used them as stepping stones to prevent touching the hot lava, we would have been told to settle down and find something quieter to do. I assume this is how my parents were raised and why they raised my sister and me the same. So, I tried to raise my girls the same, keeping evenings for quiet activities. I guess sometimes they were, but I wasn’t quite as persistent. There were many evenings when my girls would be horsing around or jumping on their mini trampoline, carefree and laughing. My most favorite sound is the sound of my girls laughing, so this brought me happiness, not frustration. I remember on nights that my parents would come over to visit they would say, “Lisa, shouldn’t they be settling down?” I’d think, times are different, kids need to burn off their excess energy before they settle in for the night.

As I come out of my memory and back to the present I find myself laughing too. I think, why was I so quick to get annoyed? I love listening to my grandchildren having fun & laughing. Yes it’s loud and yes I’m tired, but they’re not doing anything wrong, just having some fun. Why should the time of day matter? This is when it hits me. I’ve become the older generation, the generation that wants quiet evenings…or st least I thought I did. I have the amazing privilege of having my grandchildren living here every other week, being a part of their childhood, watching them grow and flourish, and I will embrace it.

The game is over, the lava turns back into the floor. The kids have spent the last of their energy for the day and are now sitting quietly watching a show before bed. As the show ends the kids get up, come over to me and give me big hugs and kisses and say, “goodnight Grammy, I love you”. My heart melts as if it has touched the lava and I tell them I love them trillions, to sleep well and I’ll see them in the morning. I can’t imagine my evenings being anything different than what they are. Honestly, I don’t want them to be and I wouldn’t trade what I have for anything. For what I have is the world. ❤️

At age 57, and 37 years of having one, or both of my adult daughters living home, my husband and I were facing the possibility of having an empty nest. We had experienced this a few times before. 2007-2008 both of our daughters were in college. It was a tough year for me. I loved having one or both girls here. Summer came quickly and they were both back home Our older daughter graduated college that year so she was going to be home for an undetermined amount of time. In 2009 she met a guy and in September of that year moved to Philadelphia with him.
So he we were, second time as empty nesters as our younger daughter was still in college. I honestly don’t remember being as sad as the first time. Maybe I could get used to this new normal. In early 2010 our older daughter was offered a very good job in Boston and although she was still living in Philly she decided to take the job and moved back home. The project in Philly that her boyfriend was on was due to end and he’d be moving back within 6 months. In mid 2010 they became engaged and within a few months had bought a house together. As she moved out I thought to myself, this is it, she’s starting a new life and will never live home again. Although sad for me, I was happy for her. In June of 2011 my niece from Florida and her boyfriend came to live with us for the summer. This was one of the best summers! The house was buzzing with activity from morning to night. I loved having them here and they quickly became like my own kids. When the summer was over and it was time for them to leave I was so sad to see them go. It was as if I was watching my own kids leave the nest. Our younger daughter graduated college that year so I knew she’d be home for while which made me happy. In 2013, 2 years after graduating college with a degree in journalism & psychology, she decided to get her masters degree in early education and become a teacher. I had told her that now is the time to do this as she was living home and didn’t have to worry about paying rent. This was a 2 year night course so I knew she’d be living home for at least another couple years. This again made me happy.
Also in 2013 our older daughter gave birth to our first grandchild, a beautiful baby boy. Being a stay at home mom and being away from her mom was hard for her so in January of 2014, our older daughter, her husband and our grandson moved in with us while building a home closer to us. I thought to myself, and here I thought she’d moved out forever! We were thrilled to have them and transformed our dining room into a master suite for our daughter and husband and our grandson took the spare room upstairs. We kiddingly named our older daughter our “boomerang child”. I was so happy to have both my girls living home and an added bonus of having my grandson here too! After being here for a couple months our older daughter announced that she was expecting their second child. We were over the moon happy and joked that this child would have to sleep in a closet as there was no more room at the inn, lol! In late December of 2014 we welcomed our beautiful little granddaughter. A few weeks later they moved out and into their new home. I knew this would definitely be the last time she lived here. It was the best 15 months! It was priceless to spend that time with our grandson, and to welcome our new granddaughter. Not many grandparents get that opportunity.
Fast forward to 2020. Our younger daughter earned her masters degree in 2017 and had a heavy load of student loans. As much as she was ready to move out, she knew it would be too difficult to afford rent and pay her loans. We told her there was no rush, she could live here as long as she wanted or needed. She landed a great teaching job in Marblehead as a reading and writing tutor for 5th graders. In January of 2020 my husband got a call from the woman who rented an apartment at his families property. She was moving out. Our younger daughter has always wanted that apartment and when she found out asked her dad if she could rent the apartment. After checking with his family she was told that the apartment was hers! She was ecstatic! There were maintenance projects that needed to be done before she could move in but was told the apartment would be ready by May. With her moving out in May, this would make my husband and I true empty nesters. Wow, could this really be happening???? For the first time in our marriage we’d actually have the house to ourselves, for real. No kids coming home from college, no kids coming to live with us while houses were being built. This was it, the real thing. Of course a part of me was sad. I love having my daughters here. But I had come to the realization that the birds are supposed to leave the nest, it’s the way it should be.
As May approached I found myself getting excited for this new chapter in our lives. For 36 years we’d had only a handful of times that we were alone. It was exciting to think of us reconnecting and getting to know each other again as husband and wife, not Mom & Dad or Grammy & Papa.
In March when COVID hit things got a bit crazy. The world shut down. Our younger daughter was still living with us, as the maintenance projects were still being done in her apartment. She wasn’t working, as schools closed due to COVID. I had started my own business in 2017 and had been working from home, and my husband runs his own business through our home. We were all here together, all day, everyday. We made the best of it by binge watching TV series and watching movies from the 80’s & 90’s.
At this time my niece was dating a guy from North Carolina who we’d met. She had gone down there to stay for a while as she wasn’t working due to Covid. They decided he should move up here with her when she came back home, but he needed a place to stay. Knowing that we were going to have 2 empty bedrooms we offered for him to stay here until they could get an apartment together. I thought, no big deal, it’ll only be a few months. We’ve gone this long without an empty nest, what’s another few months right? So in April, 2 weeks before our younger daughter moved out, our houseguest moved in. One week later he & my niece broke up. Not sure what he’s going to do, we tell him he can stay until the end of the summer to figure things out. No big deal. He’s a nice guy, easy to have around, and it’s only an extra couple months.
The end of April is here and our younger daughter starts moving her stuff into her new apartment. I’m so excited for her! I start looking around the room and I find myself envisioning the room as my new “she room”, a girlie, tranquil room for me to relax in, but at the same time its hitting me that both of my girls will have flown the nest. Except for those few times of having an empty nest, we’ve always had at least one of them living here. It’s definitely the end of an era…or is it?
As our younger daughter moves the last of her things out of her room we get a call from our older daughter. The last 6 months have been very challenging and she’s going through a very difficult time, which we were aware of. Remember, we’re in the throws of Covid, kids aren’t in school, her husbands not working, she’s not working. She asks if it’s ok to come stay here for a week to try and regroup. Of course we say yes, she’s our daughter.
Its now May. Our younger daughter has settled in and is loving her new apartment! Our older daughter is now living with us and our grandkids are spending every other week here. Yes, the “boomerang child” is back. And trust me when I tell you, I say that with love. Our houseguest will be moving out in August, and the grandkids will take that room. I no longer care about having a “she room”. My husband and I are only in our late 50’s. And 50’s are the new 30’s right?! We have plenty of time to be empty nesters. As for now, we will enjoy the full nest. Besides, the walls of the room are happier having our daughter within them and the sounds of children’s laughter bouncing off of them. ❤️